winning and losing



As I sat in the tiny room on the disposable paper liner my feet dangled below me. I had waited a month for this appointment. Partly for my exam and partly to thank the doctor that had saved my life. In the tiny room I could hear the amplified heartbeat of the baby. It was rapid and eager to meet the world. I closed my eyes to imagine the possibilities. The heartbeat came from the woman in the room next to me. You see, it was my OB that discovered my cancer.

I was there to find out if the chemo and radiation had destroyed my ovaries. The mood swings and hot flashes had already begun to consume my days, but the reality of hearing it hit harder than expected. I would be facing a rapid menopause, and hormone replacement is not an option for cancer patients. I felt I had lost so much already.

As I cried over the loss, he reminded me of how much I had won. I had my life, we fought like hell to beat the odds that were so low I can’t bare to mention them out loud. I had love and my life back. The possibilities are endless.

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